Saying goodbye is never an easy thing, but giving the right support can help the healing process.

It was late fall of last year when I found myself searching desperately for a special present for my daughter, something that would always remind her of Remington, her beloved horse. Around the same time, we faced a decision that would break her heart yet again. Remington, her faithful companion, would soon be leaving to rejoin his original owner out west as she finishes college. This meant that a little girl in the northeast would dearly miss him. I dread the thought of the day when my daughter would have to bid him farewell and send him off with well wishes for the next chapter of his life. The previous year, Sophia had the chance to lease Remington as she pursued her dream of participating in the Junior High School Rodeo. Initially, the connection between them was tenuous, perhaps due to Sophia's reluctance to get too attached, especially after facing heartbreak with previously leased horses. However, over time, their bond grew stronger. By late summer of the following year, Sophia had fallen deeply for Remy, as she affectionately called him. They spent countless hours together, with Sophia grooming him, doing chores, much time on groundwork and training on and off the saddle and simply enjoying each other's company at the barn. When they participated in a barrel race and their first goat tying event, Remington's remarkable behavior won over the crowd. With unwavering support from her devoted friends in and outside the barn, Sophia was finally making steady progress toward her lifelong dream of mastering Western equestrianism. My heart fills with overwhelming joy and warmth when I witness the deep bond between Sophia and her beloved horse. Transitioning from the languid days of summer to the crisp air of fall, it was evident that they were truly in sync with one another. Sophia's unwavering patience is a testament to her enduring character. Observing the harmony and unity between them, it is clear that their partnership is founded on trust, love, and unwavering perseverance.

The heartbreaks were real and there were many nights riding home in the truck, with tears falling from those beautiful cheeks letting me know the pain is real. The anticipation of that last ride with him is something she is dreading. As a parent, those tears hurt worse as they felt like they were cutting my heart deeper than hers. But, we talk and the more we talk and focus on what our initial goals were, we realize just how life changes can be. In the end, it all works out, maybe not the way we thought, but somehow the light will shine again on whatever road we choose. According to Northwest University, Dr. Flowers-Roe explains that supporting teens in any breakup, there are ways to help them cope and support them. Teens might reject offers of help by getting angry, but that doesn’t mean parents and friends should walk away. “Oftentimes when people are really going through it, it is a distress signal,” Dr. Flowers-Roe explained. “It’s kind of like our Bat-Signal that emotional needs aren’t being met.” She suggested some ways to support adolescents who are experiencing heartbreak:
Be available.

• Let them know that you are around if they need to talk or just be with someone in the same room.

• Don’t minimize the loss.

• Remember that heartbreak is comparable to physical pain, so avoid saying things like “just get over it.”

• Respond in a way to help them feel loved.

• Sit quietly and watch a movie together, order their favorite food, take a nature walk, etc.

• Look for nonverbal cues.

• If they look like they need a hug, give a hug; if they signal they need to be alone, give them space.

• Allow for more time with friends.

• They might be more inclined to express their feelings to peers, so consider extending their curfew by 30 minutes.

• Get professional help.

• If the adolescent has been struggling for a while after a breakup, a professional counselor can be helpful.

Active listening is widely regarded as the most crucial and effective way for parents to provide support to a teenager who is navigating the challenging emotions of a breakup. By actively engaging with the teen's thoughts and feelings, and demonstrating genuine empathy and understanding, parents can create a safe and supportive environment that encourages the teen to openly express their emotions and begin the healing process. “I am going to tune in just to you,” Dr. Flowers-Roe said. “I’m just going to pay attention to everything you’re saying, and I’m going to just try to understand what it must be like to be you right now. I’m going to avoid rushing to solve the problem, which is hard for parents because we want to stop the pain.” She emphasized that active listening shows empathy, which can be the best strategic move to support someone who is feeling pain from a breakup. Parents may also find success by trying to relate to their child. They can share their first experience with heartbreak, which lets adolescents know that their feelings are valid. “Normalize the experience,” Dr. Flowers-Roe said. “If you take a risk on love, you’re going to take a risk on breakups, and that’s OK.”

But, returning to the topic of that unique gift, I must express my enthusiasm for the discovery I made. After extensive research into horse necklaces and bracelets, I stumbled upon CH Designs Handmade Jewelry. Their approach captivated me - all I needed to do was provide a headshot of my daughter's horse, and they would meticulously craft a pendant featuring the exact blaze design of the horse. The artistry and attention to detail were evident in the beautifully crafted piece, complemented by a sturdy yet elegant chain. What truly sets this pendant apart is the ability to personalize it with engraved messages and embellishments such as exquisite stones, customizing its appearance. Delving deeper into the background of the artisans, Crystal and Jace McCarty, their dedication to their craft became increasingly apparent. Witnessing the intricate process of handcrafting the pendant affirmed the uniqueness of this piece - a sentiment echoed by the singular nature of a horse's blaze. Much like how no two blazes are identical, this necklace stands as a testament to the incomparable bond between Sophia and her horse, Remington.

Citation for this content: Counseling@Northwestern, the online Master of Arts in Counseling program from The Family Institute at Northwestern University.