Navigating the Emotional Journey of Bringing a Horse Home After a Traumatic Event
As the day draws near for our horse, Cruiser, to return home after a three-month boot camp, I find myself filled with a mix of emotions—excitement, anxiety, and a lingering fear. My daughter, who had a traumatic accident with Cruiser, shares these feelings, and the reality of his return is stirring up a storm of emotions within our household. While our anticipation was once filled with joy, the shadow of past events now hangs over us, making the countdown to his homecoming more stressful than we had imagined.
The Safe Haven of Training: A Journey of Healing
During the past three months, Cruiser’s training has not only been a safe haven for him but also a source of comfort for my daughter. The training facility provided the expertise and support we desperately needed, offering a reprieve from the fear that had taken root after the accident. The trainers have assured us that Cruiser is ready for the next step in his journey, but now the challenge lies in retraining my daughter to feel comfortable with him again. This process is not just about the horse; it's about helping her rebuild her confidence and bond with Cruiser anew.
The Reality of Fear: Managing Expectations
The once-exciting prospect of bringing Cruiser home has become a source of anxiety. My daughter is torn between the excitement of reuniting with her beloved horse and the fear of history repeating itself. This fear has transformed the once joyful anticipation into a daunting reality. As much as we try to focus on the positive, the "what ifs" loom large in our minds.
Reapplying the “What If It All Works Out?” Mindset
As I sit here writing, I’m reminded of a previous blog post titled “What If It All Works Out?”—a mantra I find myself needing to reapply. We can’t know how things will unfold until we bring Cruiser home. Our trainer has emphasized that this is the next step in Cruiser’s training, not just for him but for my daughter as well. She needs to understand what he has learned and how to build a new foundation of trust and confidence. Yet, even with this knowledge, supporting her through the emotional highs and lows remains a challenge.
Understanding Fear: A Common Companion in the Horse World
In researching how to best support my daughter, I came across an insightful article by Julie Goodnight on overcoming fear after an accident. Julie explains that some level of fear around horses is perfectly normal. Horses are large, powerful animals, and fear is a natural survival response that keeps us safe. However, when fear begins to overshadow the joy of being around horses, it’s time to seek help.
Recognizing and Acknowledging Fear
One of the first steps in managing fear, according to Julie, is to acknowledge it. Fear is a common experience for riders of all levels and backgrounds. Simply recognizing that fear is a valid emotion can be a relief in itself. It's also important for riding instructors and caregivers to empathize with the person’s fear without pushing them beyond their comfort zone.
Intellectualizing Fear: Understanding Its Origins
Julie categorizes fear into two types: post-traumatic fear and general anxiety. Post-traumatic fear arises from a specific incident, such as an accident, and requires time for both physical and emotional healing. General anxiety, on the other hand, stems from "what if" scenarios that can be overwhelming. By understanding the origins of fear and learning to observe its symptoms, we can begin to manage it more effectively.
Developing a Recovery Plan: Expanding the Comfort Zone
A critical step in overcoming fear is to define and gradually expand the comfort zone. Julie suggests taking small, manageable steps outside of one’s comfort zone with the help of an instructor. This might involve simple tasks like saddling the horse or walking in the arena. Over time, these small ventures help expand the comfort zone, building confidence with each success.
Acting Skills: Controlling Physical Symptoms of Fear
In addition to expanding the comfort zone, Julie recommends developing "acting skills" to manage fear. This involves controlling physical symptoms such as shallow breathing and a racing heart through techniques like deep breathing and maintaining eye focus. By practicing these skills, riders can learn to replace negative thoughts with positive ones, ultimately reducing fear.
Improving Skills and Knowledge: The Path to Confidence
Knowledge and skill are crucial in overcoming fear. By improving riding skills and understanding horse behavior, a rider can gain the confidence needed to handle challenging situations. Safe practices, such as wearing a helmet and understanding danger zones, are also essential in building a secure environment for both the rider and the horse.
Supporting My Daughter: A Balancing Act
As parents, my husband and I are constantly weighing the decision of whether to encourage our daughter to push through her fears or to step back if she feels overwhelmed. We’ve had many discussions about the possibility of selling Cruiser or walking away from the sport altogether if it becomes too much for her. However, we also recognize that facing this challenge could provide her with valuable life skills that will help her in the future.
Lessons from the National Institute of Mental Health
In my research, I also found guidance from the National Institute of Mental Health on how adults can support children coping with traumatic events. The key is to create a safe, supportive environment while allowing them to process their emotions at their own pace. Maintaining routines, providing a sense of control, and being mindful of any changes in behavior are crucial steps in helping them cope.
Do’s and Don’ts for Supporting a Child After Trauma
The NIMH offers practical advice for caregivers:
Do: Ensure the child feels safe, allow them to express their emotions, and stick to familiar routines.
Don’t: Expect them to be tough or force them to discuss the event before they are ready.
Moving Forward: A Journey of Small Steps
As we prepare for Cruiser’s homecoming, I plan to implement the techniques I’ve learned to support my daughter. With the help of my husband and the support of our close-knit community, we will take each day as it comes, focusing on small victories and gradually building her confidence.
Final Thoughts: Embracing the Unknown
This journey is far from over, and there will undoubtedly be more challenges ahead. However, by focusing on the positive and taking things one step at a time, I hope to help my daughter rediscover the joy of riding. I hope this blog can serve as a source of comfort and guidance for others who are facing similar challenges in the world of horse riding.
Stay Tuned: The Next Chapter
Stay tuned as we navigate this emotional journey together. I will continue to share our experiences, challenges, and successes in the hope that it may help others who are dealing with fear and anxiety in horse riding.
