Lessons in Silence and Connection

Finding Quiet in the Aftermath of the Rodeo: Lessons in Silence and Connection

As the parent of a teen involved in rodeo, the weekends are anything but quiet. The excitement of competition, the focus on every technique, and the event's camaraderie fills the air. But it’s on the way home, after the dust settles and our horse is loaded, that I’ve noticed something both unexpected and beautiful in my daughter: a rare, deliberate quietness.

For the past two rodeos, as we pull out of the grounds and begin the long drive home, my daughter has chosen silence. No phone, no scrolling through social media, no blaring radio—just a stillness that fills the truck. At first, I worried something was wrong. I wondered if she was upset about her performance, overthinking what she could have done differently, or maybe just exhausted. But over time, I started to realize that her silence wasn’t born out of disappointment or frustration. She was simply tuning out the world and allowing herself to be still.

Embracing the Quiet Moments

At first, my instinct was to fill the silence, to ask how she felt about her run, or what she thought she’d learned from this weekend. But something told me to wait. Watching her look out the window, with the horse trailer bouncing along behind us, I felt a need to embrace the quiet with her. Letting go of my own thoughts and just being in that shared silence, I found myself experiencing a kind of peace I hadn’t expected. I could see how this quiet time served as a reset, a break from the adrenaline and intensity of the weekend. It reminded me that sometimes we all need a moment to step back and just be.

There’s something to be said about your child learning how to find their inner calm, to know when to tap out of the chaos and simply rest. To me, this has become a quiet, unspoken bond between us, one I wouldn’t have known to look for if I hadn’t paid attention. It’s about trust, the kind that doesn’t need words or explanations. My daughter knows I’m there for her, ready to listen whenever she’s ready, without any pressure.

Learning to Recognize Their Cues

As a parent, we spend years meeting our kids’ needs at a moment’s notice, often before they even realize what they need themselves. When they’re young, hugs are easy; they come running, arms outstretched. But as they grow, those needs evolve, becoming less obvious. My daughter doesn’t come to me the way she did when she was small, but she still seeks comfort in her own way—like resting her head on the middle console of the truck, waiting for me to reach over and gently run my fingers through her hair. It’s a small moment, but it says so much.

I’ve come to recognize these subtle cues, moments when she just wants to be near without having to say anything. And I think as parents, it’s on us to notice those shifts, to realize that they still want our support but on their own terms. Knowing when to offer comfort without overstepping or questioning has been a valuable lesson for me. My daughter doesn’t need me to push her to talk about every detail of her performance; she just needs me to be there.

The Healing Power of Stillness

In our world of constant noise and stimulation, it’s easy to forget the importance of just being still. Watching my daughter take this time to herself has taught me so much about the value of pausing, of taking a “brain break” before diving into a discussion. By the time we’re nearly home, she usually starts to open up, maybe putting on her favorite playlist and reflecting on her weekend, sharing small victories that have nothing to do with winning. It might be something she’s been practicing with her horse, a small improvement that she noticed, a skill she’s proud of mastering.

Our conversations have taken on a different depth, allowing her to reflect on her own terms, without my prompting. She notices the intricacies, the subtle victories that often go unnoticed. And I find myself in awe of her ability to recognize and appreciate those small gains, to value her progress without getting hung up on being the fastest or the best. It’s something I think we all could learn from.

Here’s some supportive research on why quiet time and reflection are crucial for teens' mental health and personal growth:

1. Cognitive Development and Emotional Regulation
   The adolescent brain, especially the prefrontal cortex, is still developing. This area of the brain is critical for self-reflection, decision-making, and impulse control. Quiet time helps teens process emotions, make sense of their experiences, and improve emotional regulation. Research in neuroscience underscores how periods of rest, reflection, and introspection enable the brain to “consolidate” experiences and emotions, aiding in healthy development. Quiet reflection can help teens manage stress and understand their emotional responses better, fostering resilience and self-awareness. (Center for the Developing Adolescent, UCLA)​ Center for the Developing Adolescent

2. Mental Health Benefits of Downtime
   Studies in psychology have shown that consistent downtime, especially in natural settings, allows teens to reset their minds. According to research by the American Psychological Association, teens face a high rate of stress and anxiety, with technology and social media contributing significantly to these stressors. Having quiet moments without stimuli gives them a break from mental overload, which is crucial for maintaining mental health and lowering anxiety. American Psychological Association

3. Improved Focus and Performance
   Research indicates that regular reflection time helps teens enhance focus and improve their performance, not only in academics but in other areas of life, including sports and hobbies. Studies show that this reflective downtime activates the brain's “default mode network” (DMN), which is responsible for introspection and creative thought. This is key to processing and improving on past performances, as it allows teens to connect with their goals in a meaningful way, helping them develop intrinsic motivation. MDPI AACAP

4. Development of Self-Identity
   Adolescence is a time of self-discovery and identity formation, and quiet reflection aids in this process. Studies, such as those by researchers like Dr. Dan Siegel, suggest that teens who engage in regular self-reflection become more self-aware and can establish a stronger sense of identity. Quiet time allows them to explore who they are outside of societal or peer pressures, giving them space to consider their values, interests, and aspirations on their terms. Psychology Today

5. Mindfulness and Long-term Health Benefits
   Practicing mindfulness, which often involves quiet reflection, has been shown to reduce stress, improve emotional regulation, and lower the risk of mental health issues. The Greater Good Science Center at UC Berkeley highlights that mindfulness and reflective practices in teens improve their ability to handle daily challenges, regulate emotions, and respond rather than react. Quiet time also reduces reliance on external validation, which can build teens’ confidence and self-acceptance in a more sustained way.

This reflective time is not just beneficial but essential, helping them regulate emotions, build resilience, develop a strong identity, and enhance performance across various life aspects.

Sometimes the Best Advice Is to Give None

In those moments, I realize that my daughter doesn’t need advice—she just needs someone who listens. I used to think my job was to help her analyze every detail, to guide her through each success and setback. But sometimes the best support I can give is simply being there, letting her know I’m ready whenever she is, and that I see her efforts and growth in ways she may not yet see herself.

Our post-rodeo drives have become a kind of ritual, one I’ve come to look forward to as much as she does. I’ve learned the importance of allowing her space to process on her own, to find her own meaning in the weekend. It’s a reminder that parenting teens is as much about listening to the quiet moments as it is about celebrating the loud ones. And it’s a comfort to know that, even as they grow and change, there’s a part of them that still looks to us—not for answers, but for understanding.

So, as we drive home with the trailer in the rearview mirror and the memories of the rodeo behind us, I hold onto the silence, grateful for what it’s taught me. It’s in these quiet spaces that I feel closest to my daughter, knowing that sometimes, the most meaningful conversations happen without a single word spoken.