Creating the Team
Team building and creating the pact between being a team player and still parent.
I remember the first time Sophia and I trailered together alone to our first barrel racing event, and we were talking on the way home about the things that we could do differently the next time. Like remembering to put the hay in the truck first before loading the horse in the trailer!
Before competing in barrel events, Sophia and I immersed ourselves in numerous western shows with our 4H Club, where she shouldered a significant portion of the horse care responsibilities. From mastering rope work to familiarizing herself with the intricate patterns and managing time efficiently between preparations and transitioning to the next event, Sophia truly dedicated herself to the tasks. As her mother, my days were filled with preparing food, ironing outfits, and ensuring that our Mary Poppins bag was stocked with safety pins for emergencies. In addition to these duties, Sophia diligently undertook the pre-event rituals of bathing and grooming the horse, meticulously cleaning its tack, and more. It was then together, we made a pact to communicate when feeling overwhelmed, without explicitly asking for help. On the event day, teenage emotions would often run high, frequently overwhelming even the most capable individuals. Sophia, being fiercely independent, preferred to handle everything on her own but occasionally found herself succumbing to emotional turmoil, resulting in meltdowns. As her mother, I couldn't help but feel her struggles deeply, yet I had to resist the urge to constantly intervene. It's ironic how these moments always coincided with scorching 90-degree days accompanied by stifling humidity, leaving me with little time to compose myself and my once-hot coffee now tepid from sitting in the truck. However, I managed to remind myself to take a deep breath and demonstrate composure, even when my patience waned. Witnessing her distress was painful, and my instinct to alleviate it sometimes led to unnecessary conflict between us. And who felt it the most? Our equine friend, of course. Horses possess an innate ability to sense tension, detect changes in voice levels, and even perceive the rapidness of your heartbeat. As I delved deeper into the remarkable sensitivity of these majestic creatures, I realized the potential it held for enhancing our interactions. Utilizing this newfound knowledge, our conversations about optimizing our experiences at these events took on a new depth. We acknowledged the profound impact that the horse's perception of tension and the rapidness of breathing could have on their performance. Amidst the myriad variables confronting both rider and steed, we honed in on the pivotal role of routine, consistency, and maintaining a sense of calm. It became evident that embracing these principles was the key to unlocking an elevated level of performance.
On the days that we rode home from these barrel events, Sophia would often turn to me, brimming with ideas about how we could spend our time together. I made sure to really hear her out, understanding that her need for space was just as important as our shared activities. It was crucial for me to refrain from overwhelming her with information she already knew, whether it was giving advice as she was preparing to enter the gate or tidying up things that wouldn't contribute to our shared experience. Once we established this dynamic, we were able to divide tasks and set clear expectations for each other. Over time, our collaboration became more seamless and we developed a mutual trust in each other's abilities, knowing that we could depend on one another to see things through. Of course, there were moments when our passion for certain ideas led to spirited discussions, but we always made an effort to understand and acknowledge each other's perspectives.
How do we as parents become a crucial part of the team but yet have the ability to parent? Balancing the role of being a crucial part of a team, while maintaining your role as a parent requires effective communication, setting boundaries, and understanding your priorities. Here are some tips I found helpful on how to navigate this balance:
Communication is Key:
Talk to each other: Establish open communication with each other to understand your expectations and the dynamics. Discuss your role as a parent and how you can contribute positively to the team you are creating.
Clarify your roles and responsibilities: Communicate your roles and responsibilities, such as what will be needed for preparation pre and post races.
Support Each Other:
Recognize what is working and be open to being flexible when a problem arises.
Separate Roles:
Be mindful of your parent role: While supporting your teen, remember that your primary role is that of a parent. Avoid pressuring your child excessively or critiquing their performance in a way that may undermine their confidence. Trust me, they know when they made a mistake. Give them time to process it and give a little space. Your words of encouragement will come soon.
Encourage and uplift: Focus on positive reinforcement and encouragement rather than solely on performance outcomes. This helps foster a healthy parent-child relationship while still being supportive.
Prioritize Family Time:
Maintain balance: Ensure that your involvement with your teen does not overshadow important family time. Prioritize family activities and responsibilities to maintain a healthy work-life balance. Enjoy other family members and friends at these events. Community is key!
Model Positive Behavior:
You are the best model and teacher in this arena. Even though you may not think it, they are watching you how you handle things, and your interactions with others.
Remember that each situation is unique, and finding the right balance may require ongoing communication and adjustments. By being proactive, open-minded, and supportive, you can contribute positively to your teen while maintaining a healthy parent-child relationship.
But I do have to say, it’s times like these that make me realize the true value of being a mother. Our conversations in the truck while pulling the trailer are undeniably some of the most cherished moments I have with my daughter. I am sincerely grateful for this small, yet significant window of opportunity to bond with her while she's still young. These are the moments that will stay close to my heart throughout her next 4 years in high school. Let’s keep embracing the trailer life, Cowgirl!
