The question that always popped up in my head as I would be gritting my teeth and biting my tongue in the middle of a dispute with my teen was, “Will this all be worth it?” I often found myself pondering whether my daughter would truly appreciate and look back at all the behind-the-scenes work that went into organizing a little one-day racing event or a full weekend. Would she grasp the magnitude of the effort and resources required to make it happen? Would she ever understand that the jackpot she might envision winning didn't necessarily equate to the actual cost it took us to get here today? At this moment, in the present, the answer seemed to be a resounding no. Her little 13-year-old brain was not yet fully developed, as I learned that a teen's brain doesn't reach full maturity until the age of 25. As such, making good judgment decisions could sometimes be challenging for her in the realm of decision-making. Sound familiar? Always thinking with their emotions, it was no wonder that rationalizing everything wasn't her strong suit, especially on a scorching 90-degree day when her attitude and a whirlwind of conflicting feelings were overwhelming her. Adults think with the prefrontal cortex, the brain’s rational part. This is the part of the brain that responds to situations with good judgment and an awareness of long-term consequences. Teens process information with the amygdala. This is the emotional part. (1)

As my husband and I sat down for a thoughtful discussion, contemplating the worthiness of our current situation, we came to a transformative realization. It became clear that if we find ourselves questioning, "Is it worth it?", and the resounding answer is "No," then it is time to gather our belongings and transition into something that holds greater value for us. If our mental and physical well-being is at stake, if our financial stability is compromised to the extent that it prevents us from making wise decisions, then there is no doubt that we must bid farewell to our current endeavors.
On the other hand, if the answer resonates with a resounding "yes," a whole new perspective is unveiled. We must shift our focus towards considering how this experience will shape our young adult daughter's life. What skills and memories will she carry with her for the rest of her journey? The responsibility and dedication that come with working alongside horses alone are worth every ounce of effort we put in. The hours spent caring for our equine companions, tending to their stalls, training them, bathing them, and nourishing them, all contribute to a solid foundation of hard work, a foundation that some children may never have the privilege to experience. These essential elements pave the way for a deep-rooted connection with our environment, fostering a strong desire to preserve it. They instill a sense of self-responsibility, self-reliance, and nurture a solid work ethic and time management skills. Above all, they grant our daughter the satisfaction of feeling like she is part of something grand in her world.
Additionally, there is immense value in the positive relationships being cultivated within this sphere. The friendships formed and the teamwork involved support not only our daughter's mental health and self-esteem but also nurture her social skills, identity, empathy, and personal connections. As parents, we too find solace in these connections. Even if it means finding that one person who can empathize with the challenges we face as parents of a young teenager. Lastly, by supporting and valuing our child's passion, by simply showing up and being present, we convey an immeasurable amount of love and affirmation. Though it may sometimes seem as though they do not seek our attention, deep down, they yearn for it. Let us remember that they are still growing, their minds still developing, and by fostering their passion, we contribute to their overall growth.
In moments when we find ourselves asking, "Is it worth it?", we must reflect on what truly speaks to us. It is crucial to recognize that every action we take to support our child during this profound journey serves as a lesson, an experience that will shape who they become for the rest of their lives. Our unwavering commitment to showing up for them will be etched in their hearts. Together, let us step forward and embrace the wonders that await us. I look forward to crossing paths with you on this incredible journey.